Here we are. Another year past, another year of growth. Another year for me, but Your first year, dear Madeline. And what a year it's been.
The transition from 1 to 2 is easier... I'm not saying it is for everyone. But it was for us. I remember last year being so afraid, more afraid than I was the first time becoming a mother. But Madeline, you've taught me that love is limitless and as I found out the moment you were born, your heart simply grows.
It's different, being a mother of two. Yet not different at all. It's the same thing, at the heart of it. There's just MORE of it. More cuddles, more weight in my arms, more tears, more messes, more loud, more balanced than I thought it ever would be, and for the most part… more confidence. I'm calmer this time. More at peace. I have a better idea of what I'm doing this time. I know who I am this time as a mother, I didn't have to find myself all over again. The fears and anxiety and adjustment that came with first time motherhood has long since faded and I feel more whole. I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
You've come into your own, Madeline. You are your own person. Your personality is slightly….quieter than Ellie's is. But you are you nonetheless. You're gentle, more calm. You like Disney lullabies, gentle rocking and quiet, and over all were a better sleeper, even if you don't sleep as good in the car as your sister does. You like snuggles and you like food, especially ice cream and always need to have a taste of whatever it is I'm eating. When you were a newborn you would scrunch up your face and stick out your tongue when you were about to fuss and you hated being cold or uncomfortable. How I miss that. Time flies faster the second time around. The days are shorter and the year somehow felt even shorter than ever.
It's the little things that make it all worth it. Watching you and your sister grow side by side and seeing as you go from a helpless newborn beside her, to pulling up on the couch and growing closer and closer in height…one day you might even catch up… Ellie giving you the occasional kiss and snuggle. Being nap trapped times two. both a small hand and an even tinier hand rest on my chest as I rock two children to sleep in a dimly lit room. Hearing the gentle sound of both of you breathing as you peacefully snooze. Watching as you eyeball Ellie's goldfish crackers, and already fighting over them as she learns to share with a sister who now eats solid food too.
It's all worth it. This first year, has been worth it. However fast it may have gone by.
This is it. This is motherhood of two. This is motherhood of you. Thank you for a magical year. I can't wait to continue watching you grow. Happy birthday my little one.
Love always, momma.